Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Musings on Children? I hate coming up with titles.

Without going into details, I have a story:

On Friday, we had a dog come in that was having puppies.  However, one was stuck.  So after an exam and oxytocin, they managed to get the puppy out - it was "not right" and didn't survive, to put it lightly.  Mom came back in on Monday, totally sick, having lost two more puppies.  We stabilized here and took her into surgery for an emergency/critical spay for a pyometra.  (Warning! If you are of a queasier disposition, DO NOT google "pyometra."  If you still wish to, I warn you your uterus - even if you don't have one - will cringe in pain and disgust.) She made it through surgery (we got that nasty uterus out just in time), but we're waiting to see how she recovers afterwards.

This story, along with all the sickening sweet stories and photos acquaintances post on social media of their pregnancies and babies, really makes me consider: do I want to have children?  I already knew I wanted to adopt most/all kids we have, but the hubby has always wanted to have at least one too.  Now I know people have better prenatal care/hospital care in the process of having babies, than dogs, but seeing what this dog went through, just makes me question.  Why would I want want put myself through that?  Do I want to potentially put myself in a situation that could lead to something similar?  It can't all be wonderful and sunshine like *all* moms insists it is.  I get paranoid of things that appear too happy, because nothing in life is like that - there's two sides to everything.  Are they trying to justify the terrible parts by overcompensating?  And also in insisting that having a baby is so awesome, I sometimes feel like they're implying I could never love and feel as connected to an adopted child as one I had (even though these are people, that in all honesty, probably don't know I'm reading/looking at their updates).  While the hubby has said he'd like to have a child, he also acknowledges and respects that it's my body, and ultimately, my decision.  (He's awesome like that.)

The whole thing doesn't really change my mind about raising children.  It just makes me question if I even want to go the route of having children.  I've always said that I wanted to have at least one, just to know the experience; but now, do I even want the experience?  Did I say that just because of social stigma?  I mean, I've always viewed adoption (for animals or children) as a way to provide a loving home and family for someone that isn't privileged enough to have those things.  But a lot of people don't look at it that way - it almost seems like a last resort for people - after having spent thousands and thousands on infertility procedures.  Then there are still some people that see having a child as a means of "carrying on the family."  (Yes, I've been told this before.)  Am I just responding to these pressures?  Or is it something that I really want?

I was hoping that writing out the musings will help sort out an answer in my head.  We'll see...

1 comment:

  1. You're not alone; I'm the same way, but like, way worse. I've been phobic of pregnancy and breastfeeding my whole life. I want my guy to be the pregnant one. >_> Seriously though, even a normal, healthy pregnancy wreaks so much havoc on a woman's body, and the idea of this THING living inside me, feeding off of me... *shudder* Okay don't let me make it worse for you, sorry. Unfortunately, though my guy respects my desire to remain un-pregnant forever, he really doesn't want to adopt instead, so it's either no kids, or one of us has to compromise in a HUGE way... As much as I'd love a tiny little him running around, the chance of it being a little me instead, plus all the aforementioned pregnancy stuff, ugh I don't even like to think about it.

    That said, I have known quite a few people to adopt, and love their kids SO much. The fact that their genes didn't come together to create the thing doesn't make it any less a human being that depends on them, loves them, that they've raised and spent so much time with...

    Ultimately, you'll make the decision that's right for you, and you're super fortunate to have a partner that respects your body like he does! :) You guys are going to be amazing parents either way, and I'm really excited for when that time comes! <3 <3 <3