Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Musings on Children? I hate coming up with titles.

Without going into details, I have a story:

On Friday, we had a dog come in that was having puppies.  However, one was stuck.  So after an exam and oxytocin, they managed to get the puppy out - it was "not right" and didn't survive, to put it lightly.  Mom came back in on Monday, totally sick, having lost two more puppies.  We stabilized here and took her into surgery for an emergency/critical spay for a pyometra.  (Warning! If you are of a queasier disposition, DO NOT google "pyometra."  If you still wish to, I warn you your uterus - even if you don't have one - will cringe in pain and disgust.) She made it through surgery (we got that nasty uterus out just in time), but we're waiting to see how she recovers afterwards.

This story, along with all the sickening sweet stories and photos acquaintances post on social media of their pregnancies and babies, really makes me consider: do I want to have children?  I already knew I wanted to adopt most/all kids we have, but the hubby has always wanted to have at least one too.  Now I know people have better prenatal care/hospital care in the process of having babies, than dogs, but seeing what this dog went through, just makes me question.  Why would I want want put myself through that?  Do I want to potentially put myself in a situation that could lead to something similar?  It can't all be wonderful and sunshine like *all* moms insists it is.  I get paranoid of things that appear too happy, because nothing in life is like that - there's two sides to everything.  Are they trying to justify the terrible parts by overcompensating?  And also in insisting that having a baby is so awesome, I sometimes feel like they're implying I could never love and feel as connected to an adopted child as one I had (even though these are people, that in all honesty, probably don't know I'm reading/looking at their updates).  While the hubby has said he'd like to have a child, he also acknowledges and respects that it's my body, and ultimately, my decision.  (He's awesome like that.)

The whole thing doesn't really change my mind about raising children.  It just makes me question if I even want to go the route of having children.  I've always said that I wanted to have at least one, just to know the experience; but now, do I even want the experience?  Did I say that just because of social stigma?  I mean, I've always viewed adoption (for animals or children) as a way to provide a loving home and family for someone that isn't privileged enough to have those things.  But a lot of people don't look at it that way - it almost seems like a last resort for people - after having spent thousands and thousands on infertility procedures.  Then there are still some people that see having a child as a means of "carrying on the family."  (Yes, I've been told this before.)  Am I just responding to these pressures?  Or is it something that I really want?

I was hoping that writing out the musings will help sort out an answer in my head.  We'll see...

Monday, November 17, 2014


So today I count as the first official snow day this year.  We've had a few flurries, but nothing that's stuck to the ground much.  Today we have a good 1-2 inches.  Luckily nothing's sticking to the roads though.  (I think they use a different kind of asphalt up here that retains heat better - it takes a lot more for the roads to snow/freeze over than other places I've lived.)  Also luckily, it's my day off, so I don't have to go out in the cold and wet!

Just a few quick updates to keep track of life:
- The knit blanket is almost done... I have one more round of the pattern left.  It just gets so tedious working on the same large project for so long.
- I finished a hat! It's a pattern that I found that was actually circulated during WWII as a easy hat to knit and send abroad for soldiers.  Very plain, but easy - it didn't have a gauge recommendation, so I just made a guess with what I know: picked a similar weight yarn from my stash and went up two needle sizes from the recommendations, since my tension tends to be super tight.  The hat came out well, and fits my head and the hubby's head.  Now I'm going to make one in a boring gray yarn for my FIL (who loves WWII and boring colors :-P).
- We got new beds for the girls - fuzzy and warm and they love them with the colder weather.
- I switched the kitty over to all wet food a couple months ago - there is some new research that indicates that it is healthier for our cats, and it is more like what they have evolved to eat.  The idea being they eat whole prey in the wild (even feral cats these days, not any of this "my dog is a wolf, my cat is a lion" shit. Our animals spend more time indoors than we do, and my dog can't even tell when there is a raccoon 5 ft. away growling at her. NOT. A. WILD. ANIMAL.)  Ranting aside - they've evolved to get most of their water from food intake, so they don't have a huge thirst drive.  There's some thinking that wet food increases their water intake and helps them stay healthier longer.  Makes sense to me, especially when you look and see how many old cats die of renal disease (still will probably be inevitable, but maybe we can push off the onset for a few years).  Either way, she loves it, her hair coat looks better, and she seems sweeter/cuddlier.  I can't tell if it's the food, or the cold weather that's attributing to these behaviors, but we'll see.
- Gone Girl was a fantastic book and movie.  The movie adaptation was really true to the book.  Very messed up, psychological thriller/drama.  I recommend it!

I might come back through and elaborate and add pictures later.  I mostly just wanted to get the update here so I have some continuation of this blog.